I also received an email from the president of BodyGlide. You read that right, my friends. The president of BodyGlide, Mr Bill Sternoff himself, was kind enough to write an email directly to little old me letting me know which shops in the
Though I was cursing myself at the time for creating yet another email account for me to deal with, I’m now glad I did. Some of you other wannabe product whores might want to think about doing the same. You never know who will end up contacting you for sponsorships deals! Or, you know, send you cease-and-desist letters. Whatever.
Since I feel like I’m on a roll of sorts, I’d like to take this opportunity to express my love for another wonderful company, Virgin Atlantic Airlines.
I have been a loyal and frequent flyer of your airline even before my move to the
Am I happy that you started flying to
I admit I became bitter about your rather high prices and sometimes limited leg and seat room (I’m of average height and no longer a fat ass so I shouldn’t be having this issue, you dig!) and once tried to let’s say ‘stick it to you’ by going with a different airline. Well, after being forced to change my ticket and ending up back in your
overpriced open arms once again, I learned my lesson. (Damn you, Richard Branson, you win again!)
This past Sunday, I dropped enough money on a round trip ticket with you guys to feed the population of an entire African nation for at least a year. Despite this, my loyalty to your airline remains strong (mostly because I am this freaking close to having enough miles to get a free round trip ticket).
I know asking for free international flights for life may be asking a wee bit too much. However, I am a very reasonable person and would gladly accept instead a free first class upgrade on my next flight. Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top?
I’ll be the bestest spokesperson ever! Just look at what I’m willing to do for your company should you comp me an upgrade:
- I promise not to dress like an Afghan refugee / purveyor of the Big Issue on my next flight
- Whilst drinking my complimentary champagne / orange juice, I will look sufficiently haughty while the poor suckers in economy are forcibly marched through upper class on their way to the sardine-like hellhole that is the rest of the plane
- I will wear clothes with the word VIRGIN emblazoned on them, even a pair of trousers with the word boldly scrawled across the bum. Is there any better advertising than that? I would be the ultimate Virgin whore! (As well as the ultimate oxymoron.)
Come on, you know you want to! Hell, I sacrificed a cheaper flight with a layover in
All right then. There endeth the pride-less begging.
But seriously, Richard, email me.