‘What the hell?’ said Marcy.
‘Looks like he’s trying to take a shit,’ remarked Viper.
‘He’s taking a shit,’ asserted Viper.
‘Taking a shit.’
‘Taking a shit.’
‘Homie, you all right?’ called out Marcy to the man.
Just then, the man stopped in a squatting position and all of a sudden an object came rocketing out of his bum and smacked into a tree across the road.
‘Whoa!’ exclaimed the women.
‘Taking a shit! I win!’ crowed Viper triumphantly
The three of them walked over to the man who was now sitting apparently exhausted on the side of the road.
‘Um, I know this might be kind of personal, but what the hell just shot out of your ass?’
The man looked over at the tree. ‘From here, I’d guess it was an apricot, maybe a small peach.’
‘Any reason why you’re firing fruit out of your ass? A new hobby, perhaps?’ snarked Viper.
The man threw Viper a dirty look. ‘It’s supposed to be just strawberries.’
‘Okay, let me explain. I ran in a 5K in
The trio stared at the man dumbfounded.
‘What?’ asked the man. ‘What would you have chosen?’ he challenged.
‘How about a brain?’ suggested Viper.
Marcy elbowed Viper in the
nipple crater, causing him to wince. ‘So, if you’re supposed to crap out strawberries, why did you just um...produce a different fruit?’
‘That’s the thing. I ran in another race yesterday and everything just went haywire. Before I could finish, my calves started to cramp up and then I felt what I thought at the time was the strawberry about to come out, so I had to stop. Instead, about thirty grapes in quick succession fired out and took down a bunch of people in the crowd. The worst part is that I missed winning my age group by 17 seconds. 17 freakin’ seconds!’ the man yelled furiously. Shaking himself out of his rage, he continued. ‘Now there’s a whole cornucopia of fruit that comes out at random times and my calves keep cramping up.’
The man looked at them in confusion.
‘Never mind,’ she said. ‘So, what are you doing now?’
‘Well, I was trying to run to Nike Town so I can get the Wizards of Blogland to fix my situation, but it’s been slow going with the uh...faulty wiring and cramping. So where are you guys headed?’
‘We’re going to see the Wizards too.’
‘Why do you need to see them?’
‘I need a new crotch,’ stated Marcy.
‘I need new nips,’ said Viper.
‘I need a dissertation,’ said
The man eyed
Smarting from the comment,
To avoid a fight, Marcy asked, ‘So what’s your name?’
‘I’m Nitmos. You guys?’
The trio introduced themselves.
‘So, you guys mind helping me get to
Just as they set off at a slow jog,
Nitmos eyed her warily as she removed her hand. ‘Sure.’
The four of them started down the yellow track road once again towards Nike Town, unaware of the dire situation they would soon encounter.
[TO BE CONTINUED]
Yes, I cut Part 3 short. I’m giving myself time over the weekend to work out the kinks and, you know, actually write the rest of the story. So far it’s just been swimming around in my very obviously unbalanced noggin.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
Ci vediamo lunedì. (See you Monday)