Saturday, 9 August 2008

8 on the 8th: Race Report (Olympic edition)

Welcome, everyone, to the greatest Olympics endurance event—the 8 mile Town & Country multi-event-a-thon.

The final competitor in the event is Xenia from Nerd University Technology. She’s a proud NUT, ladies and gentlemen, a proud NUT indeed.

After stashing a sports drink in the bushes, Xenia begins the event. She starts at a fast pace, apparently too fast as she has to take it down a notch after mile one. It’s crazy. It’s like she’s treating this as a regular LSD instead of an Olympic event. Unbelievable, folks!

During the next mile, Xenia takes on event #2 – cycle dodging. She challenges herself even more by wearing earphones which makes it almost impossible for her to hear the cycle bells should the riders even bother with them. She’s truly hardcore, people.

Xenia passes through town, avoiding careless drivers, and makes her way back onto the canal path where she begins event #3 – playing chicken with geese. (What?) Xenia succeeds as she is able to avoid being maimed and pooped on.

Here comes the cow patty hurdling portion of the T&C multi-event-a-thon. Xenia deftly leaps over the haphazardly scattered mounds of cow poo. She’s amazing, folks, simply amazing!

Sadly, it looks like the equestrian events and bull jumping will have to be missed this year as the livestock is not cooperating. Very sad, but there’s nothing that can be done about it.

With lap one completed, Xenia heads into the second and final lap, but first she grabs her stashed sports drink and smartly sniffs it for any unwanted additions before taking a swig and getting back underway.

Lap #2 is just as successful for this NUT, though she does happen to catch the edge of a cow patty with her shoe. That’s a 5 second deduction to her time.

As Xenia crosses the finish line, the clock reads 1:30:16. Simply amazing, folks! It’s difficult to be that technically superior while still maintaining a speed a step slower than molasses running up hill. She’s a true competitor.

Whoa! What’s this? She’s still going, folks! Looks like she’s determined to get in the rest of her 11+ mile run that’s on her training schedule for this weekend. Hardcore, indeed, ladies and gentlemen.

On that note, let’s get back to the other main Olympic event of the day – airport queueing!

18 comments:

MizFit said...

youre funny AND you take the time to leave us a post.

dang.

off to my own personal olympic event: the Toddler Soothing.

it's a toughie but Im going for the gold (although methinks the east german judge hates me)


M.

chia said...

*tee hee* Safe travels there lady! We miss you already :-)

Amy said...

Great virtual race & race report! Safe travels to your family.

Merry said...

The judges hold up their score cards

What's that? Three 10s!
The crowd goes wild. Sadly, no one can get Xenia to stand still long enough to accept the gold medal, so her kind friend decides to stash it for her until she gets back

Lily on the Road said...

Have a GREAT time, bring back stories of rolling around in Olive Oil, talk with me before your race and please stay safe....

*hugs*
ME....

Non-Runner Nancy said...

Gold medal perfermance AND reporting!! Thanks for joining us. You rock!

Kevin said...

Great Job

Frayed Laces said...

Wow, I've missed out on a lot! Sounds like you are having a blast traveling, and you are being good and running too! Way to go chicka. Have fun---work will always be waiting for you upon your return.

tfh said...

Happy travels! I'm sure your airport queueing is as stellar as your eight-- oops, eleven-- mile performance!

tfh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jodie said...

LOL - congrats Olympian. Great post and good job on the run, even with the minor cow patty adventure.

the erratic epicurean said...

playing chicken with geese! now, that is intense!

Marcy said...

AWESOME JOB CHICA!!! AWESOME!! Great report LOL

Jenn N Butter said...

Great race report. They really should include that in the Olympics. Have fun with your travels.

Jenn

Viper said...

Nice run! Safe travels! Hope you got the smell of poop off your shoes.

Nitmos said...

Way to race - and post - pre vacation!

Marci said...

Great job on your run, and such a creative race report. Blows mine away.

Laura said...

I'm behind on my reading, but great report and have a blast on your travels! Can't wait to hear all about them when you return.