Several of you have asked if I’m nervous and/or excited yet about the marathon. The answer: Oh hell yeah. Both actually. In large quantities.
The realization that I was going to be running a marathon soon first came on Friday. It intensified on Saturday when I rented and watched Spirit of the Marathon (thank you, iTunes). My anxiety sky rocketed that evening when I stood up from a chair and felt a pain in my left groin area. It’s all in your mind, I told myself, though I was careful for the rest of the night.
Sunday dawned. As I was slowly emerging from sleep, I stretched out my body as one does in the morning. The pain in my groin area was like a bucket of ice cold water. It was not a figment of my overactive imagination. It was real. Fuck.
No one was up yet in the Nerditorium, save for the cat, so, still dressed in my pjs, I gingerly made my way downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of peas from the freezer. Walking up and down the stairs was fine. It’s when I take a normal or long stride or when I turn my leg out to the side a bit that the pain emerges.
I crawled back into bed, slapped the peas on my groin and tried not to freak out. I was unsuccessful.
Today was supposed to be my last long run, at least 8 miles. That’s not happening. Missing it is the piece de resistance on possibly the worst taper ever in the history of running. The week before when I was in Siena, I totaled a whopping 2 miles for the week. Two. Due. Dos. That’s it. My mind was focused on the conference and my paper, not running.
This past week, I did get in my short runs, but now it’s been two weeks without a long run. That’s not good. Now I feel like even if all is well with my groin by race day, I’m not going to have the fitness I need to run the marathon. The longer I lay here with ice on my groin, the more conditioning I lose.
I know I’m panicking and I’m trying to stop, but I can’t. Faced with the prospect of not being able to run, I’ve realized how important this marathon is to me. I’ve put all this time and energy in just to see my efforts potentially wiped out by one stupid random moment. I mean, for christ’s sake, I was just standing up from a sitting position. I do that a hundred times every day! Why now? What did I do wrong?
Anger, frustration and fear are coursing through me right now in equal parts. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to even attempt to run right now in case I make it worse. All I can do is hope that resting and icing the area will do the trick.
If you have any advice, please leave a comment or drop me an email. I’m desperate.