Friday, 5 December 2008

The Twelve Pains of Running

Some of you asked what I’m planning to do now with my running. What, like running one marathon’s not enough now, I have to run another one?! Crazy people.

But yeah, I plan on running another one. Although I may have to coerce someone into being my pacer just in case I end up in a similar situation as Florence. The one race I am adamant about running someday is the Rome marathon. Not only is Rome a magnificent city, but it’s also the focus of my doctoral research so it means a lot to me. Not to mention the race starts and ends at the Colosseum. How freaking cool is that!

The Rome marathon takes place in March though and that’s just not going to be possible for me this coming year as I’ve got too much on my plate to train for it. Instead, I’m going to focus on shorter distance races in the spring and also try to squeeze a half marathon in there somewhere, probably either the one in Reading or Bath.

I’d love to run a marathon in the fall, but picking one is a bit of a problem since I don’t know where I’m going to be then. Most likely I’ll be in England, but there’s a chance I’ll be back in Rome. Then again I also might be in the US in September or early October. So yeah, I have no idea.

There are plenty of races to choose from though, so at least that’s not the problem. After watching Spirit of the Marathon, I’d love to run Chicago. It’s also especially convenient for me since my sister lives there and I can crash with her. One of our fellow RBFs told me they would be running the Dublin marathon in ’09, so that’s another great option. I’ve also considered Berlin and Venice. Eh, there’s no need to worry about it until I know my plans for the fall though. However, if you all have suggestions or preferences, let me know in the comments. I’m all about feedback.

Okay, enough of that. In honor of completing my first marathon and the fact that I haven’t run since, I present to you....


The 12 Pains of Running*

The first pain of running the marathon gave to me
A pair of decimated knees

The second pain of running the marathon gave to me
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The third pain of running the marathon gave to me
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The fourth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The fifth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The sixth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The seventh pain of running the marathon gave to me
Plantar fasciitis
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The eighth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Calf insurrection
Plantar fasciitis
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The ninth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Finding the puke threshold
Calf insurrection
Plantar fasciitis
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The tenth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Debilitating glute cramps
Finding the puke threshold
Calf insurrection
Plantar fasciitis
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The eleventh pain of running the marathon gave to me
Battling runner’s runs
Debilitating glute cramps
Finding the puke threshold
Calf insurrection
Plantar fasciitis
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees

The twelfth pain of running the marathon gave to me
Bloody bra chafing
Battling runner’s runs
Debilitating glute cramps
Finding the puke threshold
Calf insurrection
Plantar fasciitis
Geriatric hips
Hitting the famed Wall
Severe shin splints
Shredded quads
Two blood blisters
And a pair of decimated knees


Feel free to write your own version. I’d love to read it.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

*I actually suffered almost none of these during or after my marathon. Well, with the exception of sore quads and glutes and the possibility of losing at least one toenail.

18 comments:

Theresa said...

Hey, will you be back in the UK by January 10? If so, I think you should come up here and run with me in the Great Winter Run around Arthur's Seat. It's only a 5k, but the elevation profile is a killer.

joyRuN said...

Sheesh! You need to put that last disclaimer up top - I was picturing a severely crippled Xenia curled up in the fetal position next to the computer.

I'm glad you suffered almost none of those.

Brooke said...

Phew! I thought you were serious about 'bloody bra chafing'...!! The title of this post made my morning. Hilarious.

Marcy said...

*sigh* I don't have any feedback but I'll be drooling over the pics of which ever one you choose.

RazZDoodle said...

Omaha marathon....late September.

That is all.

The Running Knitter said...

I'm a little late, but belated happy birthday and congrats on your marathon! :)

Nitmos said...

You had a lot of time to think on your marathon didn't you? Cool poem/song/ditty.

I think the Dublin and Rome sound fantastic. Dare to dream...

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Rudolph the Red-Toed Runner
Had a couple blood-red niiiips
And if you ever saw them
They'd give you the runner's shiiiittttsss.

All of the marathoners
Used to look at him askance
His bulgy shorts made them wonder
What he's packing in his pants* ...


*It's not what you're thinking. Unless you were thinking a giant penis. Then it is what you were thinking. (Sorry. All of my song parodies end up R-rated, at least. I don't mean to take them there. I don't like working blue. They just seem to go of their own volition.)

*aron* said...

love the song :) running carols!

ohhh the next marathon is always fun to pick. it's so true too... you run one and are immediately asked what is next??! i signed up for #2 the day after #1 :)

MCM Mama said...

LOL at the 12 days.

No real suggestion on the marathon, but I'm jealous of all your European races. Some day when the kids are older and we start traveling again, I'm going to have to do one of those.

Marci said...

LOL at the 12 days. You outdid yourself with that one. Rome would be supercool. Heal well!

Merry said...

I am /not/ reading that poem. I don't want to know what my future holds. Leave me in blissful ignorance a while yet ;)

We'll still have to coordinate a time when you, Theresa, Ms. Keziah Fenton and I can all run together.

Ted said...

That is freaking hilarious with that 12 days of running version ! That was pretty good !!! I will have to think for my own one.

X-Country2 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
X-Country2 said...

I had the exact same thought as Raz. Omaha: it's kind of like Rome!

Viv said...

Why is it people always wonder what's next, hello you just became a marthoner. If you decide on Chi town I would be game for that. Hmmm did I just all barge in on your 2nd marathon, LOL!

The Laminator said...

Sorry I'm late, Xenia. Been in LV and worrying about my own marathon.

Anyhoo...nice song lyrics. I'm feeling of all that after my marathon yesterday so I think it's apt.

Congrats on your marathon, Xenia. My opinion is any of those that you mentioned would be great choices...just pick one depending on your travel schedule.

Meg said...

I love the song!
Don't worry too much about your next race, just keep yourself in some sort of shape and figure it out when you know where you'll be. I'd love to do Dublin one day too!