Yesterday, I ran 5K with my friend Canadia. I’ve somehow convinced her to join me along with some other friends of ours in running the Blenheim 7K next month. She’s even asked me to devise a mini training plan for her since it’s been a while since her last run and 7K will be the longest distance she’s tackled in almost eight years. It’s kind of weird being asked for running advice, but also rather flattering that people think I’m that knowledgeable. Poor bastards. Little do they know.
What’s in a name?
For some reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about names. Could be because a lot of my friends seem to be spitting out children like Pez dispensers recently. Or maybe because I keep up with celeb gossip and am appalled yet entertained by which monikers celebs saddle their children with. I mean, really, Petal Blossom Rainbow. Lay off the bong, Jamie.
Seriously, celebrities have to be the most self-absorbed people if they don’t realize how a name can totally affect a child’s life. Some of the worst offenders, in my mind anyway, are Shannyn Sossamon, Jason Lee, Penn Jillette and Nicolas Cage. Their children are named, respectively:
Kal-El (i.e. Superman’s real name)
The one possibly worse category are the poor little bastards who are supposedly named after the location of their conception, like Michael Jackson’s alleged daughter Paris and David Beckham’s son Brooklyn. Imagine having to explain the origin of your name to people when you got older. Yikes.
I know Julia Roberts got some flack for naming her twins Phinnaeus and Hazel, but I actually like those names. Phinnaeus more so than Hazel, but at least they both have a history of being actual names as opposed to Marijuana Pepsi. Seriously. I’m not kidding.
You would think someone like me—a half-Greek archaeologist who grew up fixated with classical mythology—would probably be all about naming her potential future children something kind of funky like Theseus or Andromache. Not so much. I tend towards traditional if old-fashioned names, although sometimes I like the really old-fashioned ones. Like Isolde. I’d never torture a little girl with that for a first name though. Middle name possibly.
Then there are the people who take common names and change the spelling to make them unique. I have several cousins who’ve done this. Personally, I’m not a fan of doing that. Sometimes the change in spelling is a total accident though. I had a friend in high school whose parents misspelled his middle name on his birth certificate. Instead of Brian, his name was Brain. I wonder if he ever officially changed it.
So yeah, that’s my rant on names. If you want to see some lists of horrendous celeb baby names check out this article or even this blog which is devoted entirely to the topic. Feel free to contribute your favorite best/worst names in the comments. I’d love to hear them.
Happy hump day, everyone.