Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Validation from sketchy 'scientific' studies

Thanks to today's Cranky Fitness post, I've discovered that I'm a freaking genius, but will always be a slow runner.

I can live with that.

So, which are you--an intellectually superior blue-eyed wonder or a speedy brown-eyed athlete? Or are you one of those sad bastards with hazel or green eyes? Since you weren't included in the study, I'm assuming your eye color provides you with no discernible advantage. Sucks to be you.

22 comments:

Count of Monte Christo said...

Heh, very right. I am a neurotic runner, continuously fretting about all sorts of variables re. my run. Having blue eyes, I will always be a brainy - and consequently slow - runner.

I have learned to love my slow runs :-D.

Robert James Reese said...

I'm a brown-eyed dumbass. Bummer of it is, I don't excel at sports at all. Who do I complain to about this?

Lily on the Road said...

I'm a sad bastard(ess) with hazel eyes...but I'm a lot of fun nonetheless!

Jess said...

I'm a brown eyed dummy, I guess.

Carolina John said...

green eyes, no luck.

Viper said...

Well, I guess I'll just give up and die. Thanks.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

You're probably too young to remember, you freaking zygote, the old SNL Weekend Update in which Chevy Chase made the following joke:

"In a speech to the Athens, Georgia, Chamber of Commerce, presidential contender George Wallace said, 'I don't judge a man by the color of his skin. I judge him according to how well you can see him in the dark when he smiles.'"

This "scientific" study reminded me of that because there are certain racists out there who are always looking for new ways to say, basically, that our darker-skinned brothers and sisters are inferior ... without, of course, mentioning the color of their skin, because that would be too overtly racist.

So ... Blacks and Hispanics? Almost invariably brown-eyed.

Get me a study - stat! - that "proves" brown-eyed foax are stupid ... but ... toss 'em a bone, here ... better athletes than their blue-eyed Intellectual Superiors.

So, now no one can say we judged 'em by the color of their skin - just the color of their eyes.

Nice distinction there, Governor Wallace.

(This political diatribe not aimed at YOU, X! I hope I don't need to say that, but I will just in case.)

Spike said...

my eyes are grey, so I guess I'm smart enough to know I'm slow but not smart enough to stop trying to get faster.

aron said...

mine are hazel... so i guess i am nothing :-/ lol

nwgdc said...

My eyes are hazel for the most part, but have a ring of blue around the outside. I guess that means I'm smart in a superficial, surface only kind of way, but deep down I'm a sad bastard.

Jamie said...

I guess there study is so scientific they didn't even bother to look at us hazel eyed folks (and green eyes!). WTH?

Mike said...

Black eyes mean you're not very good at boxing.

Theresa said...

Oh so that's why I'm so slow. It's because of my eye color. *snort*

P.O.M. said...

Ha! Mine are green which I take to mean that I'm both fast and smart.

I taught my niece "jazz hands" just for you. Pics on my page.

theloosemoose said...

Swearing is good for me? Fuck yeah!!!

Ted said...

It is evidently that I am a sad bastard.. Hazel eyes I have. Need to get a blue colored contact lens so that I can be intellectually superior!

Merry said...

Nowhere was it specified what color the researchers' eyes were :)

Merry said...

Ack! The link broke! I swear it was working this morning. Methinks one of those jealous hazel people broke it :(

Nitmos said...

My eyes are colorless and translucent. Just like my soul.

joyRuN said...

I feel as gypped as you did with your one-armed gingerbread man.

I have brown eyes and still as slow as molasses.

How is this fair??

Jamoosh said...

Slow and dumb - sucks to be me.

Marcy said...

Hmmmm I don't know about this. Both my kids have blue eyes and as far as I can tell they came off the dumb tree :P