Last week I was having lunch with friends, one of whom just came back from holiday in the Mediterranean with a souvenir— a huge whopping cold. Her boyfriend was also recovering from vacation flu, possibly of the pork variety. That’s when it hit me:
I haven’t had a cold in over two years, if not longer.
People around me seem to get sick all the time—head colds, flu, allergies, etc. This is not surprising considering the university environment in which we reside. But me? Nothing. Talking on the phone to my mom yesterday, I found out that I’ve also never had the flu. No strep, no mono, nothing.
Apparently I have the immune system of a god. When all you weak folk get taken down by whatever disease ends up wiping out the population (bird flu, swine flu, mad cow, other non-livestock illnesses), I’m still going to be here. Just me, the cockroaches and Twinkies.
My friends joked that we should have my immune system replicated. But I don’t like to share, so you can all suck it.
Now before you begin to riot, take my name in vain (if you haven’t already) or heckle me for tempting fate, let me assure you that I do have my weaknesses. Paramount amongst them appears to be my right hip which is of the caliber possessed only by people 70 years or older.
I didn’t run after my swim lesson on Friday and I took Saturday off completely, sadly ending my exercise streak of twenty days. Yesterday I finally hauled my lazy ass up and went for a quick three-miler. Or what should have been quick had it not been for my hip which was hella stiff. It loosened up a bit as the run progressed but it’s still not great. I’m gonna keep on stretching it and hope that does the trick. If that fails, then I guess I’ll just be put out to pasture with the other work horses. And since I’m immune to their diseases, I’ll outlast them all and be supreme ruler of my domain.
So either way I win. Score!
If it makes you guys feel any better about being so weak, when I do get colds, they’re pretty major ones. Once during the holidays of my junior year at college, I was visiting my dad who, god love him, is one of the world’s worst hypochondriacs. He thought I sounded like death, so he immediately dragged me to the doctor’s office where I got some so-so drugs and a nasal spray. That spray was a lifesaver on my departing flight, but it couldn’t prevent the death stares I was getting from my fellow passengers. They were just lucky I didn’t taunt them more by licking all the armrests.
Sometimes it’s fun to be a carrier monkey.
Another time I had a cold that lasted for three months straight. My cough made me sound like I had TB. The department administrator begged and pleaded with me to get an appointment with Student Health Services and I eventually caved. Twice. Both times I was told by a university doctor that the cold would run its course, just be patient, and, oh yeah, here are some condoms.
Uh, thanks. I guess.
So there. See, I am human. Just with a much better immune system than the rest of you. That’s all.
Ok, weaklings, that’s it for me. Have a great week. I’ll catch up with you when I can.