Monday, 3 August 2009

Asking for it

Last week I was having lunch with friends, one of whom just came back from holiday in the Mediterranean with a souvenir— a huge whopping cold. Her boyfriend was also recovering from vacation flu, possibly of the pork variety. That’s when it hit me:

I haven’t had a cold in over two years, if not longer.

People around me seem to get sick all the time—head colds, flu, allergies, etc. This is not surprising considering the university environment in which we reside. But me? Nothing. Talking on the phone to my mom yesterday, I found out that I’ve also never had the flu. No strep, no mono, nothing.

Apparently I have the immune system of a god. When all you weak folk get taken down by whatever disease ends up wiping out the population (bird flu, swine flu, mad cow, other non-livestock illnesses), I’m still going to be here. Just me, the cockroaches and Twinkies.

Mmmmm....Twinkies.

My friends joked that we should have my immune system replicated. But I don’t like to share, so you can all suck it.

Now before you begin to riot, take my name in vain (if you haven’t already) or heckle me for tempting fate, let me assure you that I do have my weaknesses. Paramount amongst them appears to be my right hip which is of the caliber possessed only by people 70 years or older.

I didn’t run after my swim lesson on Friday and I took Saturday off completely, sadly ending my exercise streak of twenty days. Yesterday I finally hauled my lazy ass up and went for a quick three-miler. Or what should have been quick had it not been for my hip which was hella stiff. It loosened up a bit as the run progressed but it’s still not great. I’m gonna keep on stretching it and hope that does the trick. If that fails, then I guess I’ll just be put out to pasture with the other work horses. And since I’m immune to their diseases, I’ll outlast them all and be supreme ruler of my domain.

So either way I win. Score!

If it makes you guys feel any better about being so weak, when I do get colds, they’re pretty major ones. Once during the holidays of my junior year at college, I was visiting my dad who, god love him, is one of the world’s worst hypochondriacs. He thought I sounded like death, so he immediately dragged me to the doctor’s office where I got some so-so drugs and a nasal spray. That spray was a lifesaver on my departing flight, but it couldn’t prevent the death stares I was getting from my fellow passengers. They were just lucky I didn’t taunt them more by licking all the armrests.

Sometimes it’s fun to be a carrier monkey.

Another time I had a cold that lasted for three months straight. My cough made me sound like I had TB. The department administrator begged and pleaded with me to get an appointment with Student Health Services and I eventually caved. Twice. Both times I was told by a university doctor that the cold would run its course, just be patient, and, oh yeah, here are some condoms.

Uh, thanks. I guess.

So there. See, I am human. Just with a much better immune system than the rest of you. That’s all.

Ok, weaklings, that’s it for me. Have a great week. I’ll catch up with you when I can.

Later gators.

20 comments:

Theresa said...

Yes, but did they also ask you if you might be pregnant? That was SOP at our student health center.

And given that I've had a cold for the past week, I'm kinda hating you right now.

joyRuN said...

Ooooh, you ARE asking for it. You're gonna get a whopper flu/cold now!

I think I'd have a good chance against getting sick too if it weren't for these germy kids.

Jess said...

I have a superhero immune system too. And not only do I rarely get sick, but my bones and skin are nearly indestructible! I have never broken a bone in my life (and I spent my entire childhood doing pretty daring feats) and I have only have stitches once (got my finger shut in a locker when I was in HS).

My mom says that my family is bred from good, solid peasant stock and that's why we all have such hardy health and longevity.

Carolina John said...

if your immune system is that strong you need to be running more! no, that's a good thing.

Morgan said...

I have found that since I started running my immune system has strengthened leaps and bounds from what it used to be.

As for the hip, sounds an awful lot like what I dealt with after my first half. I kept putting off going to the Doctor but finally gave in and they gave me the "ITB" stamp. Get a foam roller and it will really help with recovery!

Viper said...

The people who don't get sick and die, get hit by trolley buses instead. We all get it the end.

Jamie said...

You are so asking for it. Don't taunt the cold gods they will strike. I found that out earlier this summer.

X-Country2 said...

I rarely get sick too, and I thank my parents for just picking my pacifier, blowing it off, and giving it back to me as a baby. Antibacterial what?

The Running Knitter said...

I wish I had your immune system. Now that I'm working at a school, it's like a germ fest everyday.

Nitmos said...

Yeah, if you don't get a little sick here and there, your immune system will be out of shape when a real major sickness comes around. Ours can all handle 5k, 10k, maybe even marathon level sicknesses. Yours? Probably couldn't even fight off a 400 meter interval.

Spike said...

cold for three months = mono.

carpeviam said...

I don't get colds very often either. I usually catch something in September because I'm back to school and been with the kids for a few weeks.

Knock on wood!

Melanie said...

I struggle with some tightness in my hips as well. I just always google some stretches and stay more on top of doing them until it works itself out. I should probably do them all the time, but alas... who has time for all that? My favorite is to do the yoga pose The Pigeon on both sides. It really seems to help.

Kristina said...

This all means that if you're ever pregnant, you're gonna have the worst morning sickness ever. Then just wait til the kid is in school. Mwah, ha, ha.

Mike said...

You left out the part about finding that magic amulet during your last dig.

MCM Mama said...

I used to be immune and then I had kids. They bring home some pretty amazing germs...

Marci said...

I never got colds until I started running marathons.. weight gain, colds, why do I bother?

Merry said...

Hmmmn... you might be a carrier of colds to other people. Typhoid Xenia!

Lily on the Road said...

I've heard that licking aircraft armrests are indeed a deterent for colds and flu's....

I've also heard that condom's work miracles too!

With that said, welcome to the world of tight, old hips and great immune systems, now, get your arse out there and go for a run!

Marcy said...

I was thinking the SAME thing as Kristina. Just you wait til you have kids. I don't think I ever really got sick until I had kids (they are nasty and bring back everything. That's note #57389472894 on why you should not have them)