Thursday, 29 October 2009

Busted

So yesterday a colleague and I were heading out to the store to pick up something to nibble on during afternoon break. Before leaving the building we stopped at the toilets to do our respective business.

So I entered the bathroom, locked the door and reached for the pull on my zipper. It was at this point that all hell broke loose.

Three of the teeth on the left side of the zipper decided to liberate themselves from my jeans. As I pulled the tab down, I heard a rapid fire ‘ping, ping, ping’. With sinking dread I looked down at my now derailed and totally unfixable zipper.

Feck. In fact, double feck.

Thankfully I was wearing a long, loose top that covered the damage. After finishing my intended business, I exited the bathroom and met back up with my colleague. I told her my embarrassing predicament. Good friend that she is, she laughed at me outright and then dragged me to the store anyway where I proceeded to purchase a small bag of crisps and some Rolos. Because the obvious thing to do after busting out of your jeans is to consume 400 unhealthy calories in one sitting.

Fatty don’t like logic.

To be fair to myself, those jeans were over six years old and at the end of their life anyway. Still, it doesn’t make me feel any better. The last time I exercised was Monday night when I went for another seriously slow three miler. Perhaps my jeans were trying to tell me something. Like stop working so long at the office and MOVE YOUR FAT ASS.

That’s just a guess though.

19 comments:

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

To be fair to myself ...

O, yeah. You MURDER a pair of jeans and justify it because they were OLD (what? are you on one of OBAMA's DEATH PANELS?!1???) and I'm sitting here worrying about how fair I'm being in my judgment of YOU!1!

DENIM-KILLER!1!

Plus, you bought "crisps"? What kinda KENYAN word is THAT!?!11?

(Note ot Sean Hannity: I am available for interviews and will rant on cue! Please be sure to have your BFF, God, Bless Me at the end of said interview.)

joyRuN said...

Not first.

Under Glaven.

My morning is shot to hell.

But "feck" & "crisps"? Time to come back stateside for a little while. It's "fuck" & "yummydeliciousgoodness".

Lily on the Road said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lily on the Road said...

Oooppps, that was me! ;^)

Well it's about time the two of us go for a slow run to a clothing store...I require both...

nwgdc said...

I'm with joyRuN. What are the DOING to you?

Jess said...

Rolos are totally justified because it's almost Halloween. The jeans just aren't aware that it's the start of the holiday season.

Karen said...

ha ha ha ...

Spike said...

busting jeans is fine, it's when you snap elastic waistbands that you need to begin to worry.

Carolina John said...

way to go jean killer! bringing destruction to all things comfortable. That's how you people do it across the pond?

actually, that is a nasty predicament and it stinks to lose a familiar pair of jeans. sorry for your loss.

Viper said...

Feck? Watching "Almost Famous" too much or is this some lame British thing? Go run already.

Jamie said...

blame it on a faulty zipper (that's my fatty logic) and you were just comforting yourself after a loss of an old friendly pair of jeans.

Mike Antonucci said...

I'm disappointed Glaven failed to riff on pants coming off or getting into pants or bulging out of pants or some related obvious innuendo.

Kristina said...

Perhaps your bladder was distended and it was the culprit? I'm sure that's what it was.

Roisin said...

As the resident Irish person here (I'm assuming, and you know what they say about assuming...), I applaud your use of "feck" and "crisps".

theloosemoose said...

The button on my pants went FLYING off at work one day. Nearly took out a colleague's eye.

I still had Oreos at lunchtime, though. They were really feckin' tasty, too.

carpeviam said...

You almost had me fooled for a real-live Brit, what with your "feck." Did it actually come easy for you to type that or did you have to conscientiously type it? Kind of like I had to conscientiously type "conscientious."

"The" Merry said...

Under Glaven? O be still my beating heart.

All the same, I'm a bit disappointed. I thought with a title like "busted" you would have broken a bra strap or something. Surely the correct term for laying a zipper waste would be something along the lines of Unzipped: how my trousers became undone. One woman's story.

Preferably this should be written in a post-colonial, deconstructionistically modernist style that would have loads of heavily innuendo-ed subtext that hinted direly at angst-ridden psychic and somatic identity crises that would turn out to be deeply meaningful and relevant in the development of your dissertation. Or your dattertation. Whatever.

Robert said...

Hahaha, thanks for sharing. That cheered me up. I never wear zipper fly jeans (There's Something About Mary scared me away forever), but I can imagine having a zipper break would not be fun.

Marcy said...

Well at least you didn't bleed through your jeans, right? There is ALWAYS something worse that could happen :P (Gawd I'm gross)