Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Apparently I hate myself

This conclusion resulted from a realization that some of my actions of late fall into the two main categories of self-hate.

1) Causing oneself pain voluntarily, and

2) Putting oneself in embarrassing situations. Again, voluntarily.

So, what exactly have I done to myself lately?

Well, this morning I woke up (voluntarily!) at 6:30 am after less than six hours sleep to drag my ass across town (20 minutes on foot) to use the gym pool. I’m continuing my swimming lessons this week and next so thought I should get in some practice. The result—I still suck at swimming. Basically I look like a retarded baby whale missing a flipper.

While that is embarrassing, I’ve also managed to set myself up for a total mock-fest in December. I’ve officially signed up for one last race this year—a two mile run in mid-December. What’s so bad about that, you ask? Well, while running those two miles, I’ll also be sporting a felt Santa suit and beard. Ho, ho, ho, bitches!

In an effort to morph my self-hate into general misanthropy, I’ve coerced nearly a half dozen friends into joining me in this endeavor. However, to date, I am the only one to have actually registered for the race.

Misanthropy wins. I hate people.

22 comments:

Lily on the Road said...

You don't hate yourself, you are growing and doing, running and swimming albeit in a "fluid fashion".

Ya gotta start somewhere doll, otherwise we'd all be perfect...now how boring is that! LOL

RazZDoodle said...

So what would happen if you swam in a Mrs. Claus bikini?

Just askin....

Morgan said...

You're just trying to get into the spirit of Christmas?!? Um... yeah I don't know...

If it makes you feel better I call my swimming, Flailing.

GeorgiaSnail said...

Do they even celebrate Christmas over there?

Mike Antonucci said...

You'll be incognito amidst all the other Santas so just enjoy yourself!

Viper said...

I didn't realize you were so jolly.

"The" Merry said...

Could be worse.
If the beard were your own.

You're motivating me to get moving, damn you! Shakes fist

Carolina John said...

other people suck. I am reminded of this every time I have to drive through charlotte nc.

swimming? have fun with that. you'll be out on the english channel before you know it.

Kristina said...

"a retarded baby whale missing a flipper" would be a step up for me. Kudos.
I hate people, too. Surely the world needs a Misanthropic 5k to counteract all those races for charity. Let's organize one to benefit, um, us?

Karen said...

I laughed my ass off reading this post. love the use of 'misanthropy' !

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I’ll also be sporting a felt Santa suit and beard.

You Greeks will use anything as an excuse not to shave, won't you?

How do we know that "beard" won't just be a comb-over of shoulder and back hair?

Spike said...

misanthropy...nice word usage. I can't swim as well, and I hate when other people in the next lane are killing me. I just tell myself I'm faster on the ground than they are.

and the costume idea rocks.

theloosemoose said...

I'm with you - people suck. But Snata sucks, too, so it seems odd to dress like him. Unless it's just a clever plot to get closer to the elves. 'Cause I hear elves make excellent floatation devices, which should help you out in the pool somewhat.

theloosemoose said...

Good gravy - I wrote "Snata". Which is only marginally better than writing "Satan".

carpeviam said...

I opt out of swimming as often as I can. I'm a chronic sinker! SINKER! I can't even do the dead man float. Which means that if I die by drowning or my plane flies and crashes over a large mass of water, lakes included, my remains will likely NEVER BE FOUND.

Good luck! I'm sure you can be found at the bottom of a pool, though.

Keith said...

Firstly, waking up at 6:30 is slack-ass sleeping in. Six hours sleep is lots. Quitcherbitching.

Looking like a retarded baby whale missing a flipper is a good start. Much better than looking like an anchor.

A Santa suit. Voluntarily. Geez. You must be atoning for doing something terrible in a previous life. Besides, we all know Santa is pervert, why else would he want little boys and girls to sit on his lap.

General misanthropy is good. Particular misanthropy is better. People in general are very much over rated. Some individuals (and you know who you are) are just fine, thank you very much.

MCM Mama said...

OH, come on, that Santa race sounds fun. And hey, maybe you could post a picture since we wouldn't be able to really see you?

X-Country2 said...

Costumes make EVERYTHING better!

SteveQ said...

We prefer to be called "mentally challenged baby whales missing flippers."

Jess said...

Well, if you hate yourself, along with hating others, you are at least very fair about the misanthropy.

Marcy said...

Actually you're my hero! Seriously I would NEVER attempt to swim. You think you're swimming is bad, oy you haven't seen mine LOL

joyRuN said...

How'd I miss this post? And have I been asleep all this time or is comment moderation new?