Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Easy Rider

It’s finally happened. I’ve been talking about doing it for years and finally did it this weekend.

Nope, I didn’t dry hump Colin Firth’s leg or bitch-slap Britney Spears for continuing to disregard my you-need-to-wear-a-goddamn-bra edict. Those are still on the to-do list.

Bitches, I bought a bike.

Now don’t you triathlon freaks go all crazy thinking you’ve got a new convert. F*ck that shit. I know I’ve been swimming a bit lately, but there’s no way I’m going to squeeze myself into sausage-encasing lycra for all the world to see while I huff and puff through three sports, all of which I suck at. There’s a reason why I go to the pool so early—no one else in their right mind wakes up before dawn to use the pool hence it’s just me and possibly one other loon at most.

I bought the bike for transport purposes. My only other mode of transportation in this town is my feetsies, so it takes me an age to get anywhere. It used to take me twenty minutes to get to the gym from my house. Now it takes less than five. Halle-freakin’-lujah!

Of course I also plan on taking some scenic bike rides on the weekends now. There are plenty of trails around here and I also now have an annual pass to Blenheim Palace, which will be a great destination for longer rides.

Now all I have to concern myself with is playing in English traffic. Which side of the road am I supposed to cycle on again? *gulp*

Yeah, yeah. I know none of you give a rat’s ass about any of this. You just want to know who won the Popeners. Well, here you go, you greedy bastards.

The Popener for the funniest comment goes to joyRuN. Sweet baby jesus, woman, your desperation is freaking hilarious. I know I’m going to hell for laughing at you as much as I have, but damn that was funny. Thanks for the entertainment. You’ve well earned your piece of blasphemous Catholic tchotchke. But seeing as you winning has probably enraged G, you might think about posting that photo of your ass to appease him. You did offer after all.

The random winner of the second Popener was commenter #7...
...who is the fabulous Merry.

Congrats ladies! Just email me your snail mail addys and I’ll get those Popeners out to you this week. However it may take them a while to arrive....if they do at all. The Royal Mail was on strike for a while, but now it seems a cease-fire has been declared until the new year. But there’s still bitter underpaid postal workers to contend with as well as a backlog of mail to get out. Lovely, no?

Okay, that’s it from me. Have a happy rest of the week, everyone.

Later gators.


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

O, great.

Now I'm going to Hell for nothing.

When I get there, I'll say "Xenia sent me ... so make sure SHE ends up here, too!" and they'll say, "Which Xenia? There are at least three: Big-@$$ed Xenia or Pneumatic Xenia I or Pneumatic Xenia II?" And I'll be all, "Definitely NOT Big-@$$ed Xenia, so one of the Pneumatic ones." And they'll say "Which one?" And I'll say, "I don't F*CKING KNOW, because she never posted a picture of herself and NOW I know why!"

And they'll be poking me in the n*ts@ck with razor sharp pitchforks during this who Inquisition (which will be the only upside because I'm kinda into that).

Way to screw me for all eternity, Xenia.

I'm doing an altar boy-shaped bottle closer give-away at my site.

Don't even BOTHER entering (that's what Teh Popener infallibly said!).

Lily on the Road said...

good for you getting a set of wheels, oh and you ride on the same side as the traffic flows, and obey the same rules...

picture required...does it have a basket? Just asking LOL

joyRuN said...

FINALLY. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been more than a damn year that I've wanted ONE OF THESE!!!

@$$-pic & shirt on Saturday will delivered as promised, so will this hollow husk of a soul as soon as I figure out how to deliver it as an email attachment.

The Enthusiast said...

YAY for writing in academia (well... not really "YAY," more like "oh... crap... i have to write...") You get the point. :0)

I am a fan of England, Colin Firth, running, biking and swimming - though much like you the idea of a tri is not my idea of fun.

Congrats on the new wheels, ride them well and according to proper traffic laws.

Ms. V. said...

I really wanted the Popener, but i got here too late yesterday. Damnit.

Where can I get one?

Oh yeah, make sure the triathletes don't hear about the bike. They are relentless....LOL

"The" Merry said...

What? I never win nothin'. I thought that was a law. Well dang! (small victory dance)

Jamie said...

That set of wheels will give you more time to work on the thesis now that you don't have to hike everywhere ;)

Calyx Meredith said...

Oh man - I totally thought you were going to start talking tri's! Congrats on the bike anyway! Do we get pictures?

Jess said...

Congrats on the bike purchase! Now, you have made me the only running blogger who doesn't have one. Thanks a lot.

Spike said...

I declare shenanigans. ok, I'm just a sore looser.

I hope you one day to accomplish the first 'to-do' items on this post.

Anonymous said...

Damn! I entirely missed the whole Popener competition.
But at least I'll get to see Joy's ass, so that's a nice consolation prize.

I'd love a bike for transportation purposes. I only work 12 miles away so it's do-able, but only for part of the year as I live in the freakin' Arctic tundra.

Careful, lest you become one of those crazed triathletes. ALthough that would be interesting reading for the rest of us!

carpeviam said...

I have this picture of Lily Allen on a bike, singing LDN, when you mention your recent purchase.

"Riding through the city on my bike all day,
'Coz the filth took away my license."

I'm just sayin'...