Friday, 14 May 2010

Shake, rattle and roll

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a runner in taper must be in want of stuffing their face with copious amounts of food.

Well, at least in my case.

I’ve been eating a lot of very bad things lately—muffins, cupcakes, cookies, key lime pie. Although part of it can be blamed on tapering, most of it is actually the result of stress eating. Thanks a lot, stupid dissertation.

In an effort to rectify the situation, I have declared today to be No-Added Sugar Day. No candy or sweet baked good will pass my lips this day. In fact, I won’t even be adding sugar to my tea. This morning I ate a healthy breakfast of oatmeal with skim milk. I have fruit for my morning and afternoon snacks (natural sugars are exempt) and all-natural peanut butter on whole wheat bread, carrot sticks and baked crisps for lunch. Dinner will be this.

Since I’m a processed sugar junkie, I expect to have the shakes by 3 pm at the latest. The roaring, fire-breathing and total decimation of the poor sods in my vicinity will follow soon after.

Aren’t you glad you don’t know me in real life?

Royally screwed
During my family’s visit a couple of weeks ago and the souvenir shopping that ensued, I went in search of a bottle opener with the image of the Queen on it. Since Italy has the Popener, I assumed England would have a Queenener. I was proven wrong.

It wasn’t for lack of trying either. We visited Windsor for god’s sake and even amongst all the tacky royal tourist crap in the shops there not a single Queenener was not to be found. You might think it was because of some sense of propriety, but there were shot glasses with the Queen’s face on them. How can a bottle opener be worse than that?

The only bottle opener that was even slightly amusing enough for me to purchase was one with Big Ben on it, because it was kind of phallic.
Yes, I do have the sense of humor of a 13-year-old. Why do you ask?

I’m hoping there will be more amusing bottle openers in Scotland when I’m there next weekend. They pretty much hate England and the Queen so it’s a good bet.

Before I sign off, I want to wish good luck to Jamie and MCM Mama who are running marathons this weekend and Anna from Adios, Fat Pants! who's running her first half marathon. Kick some ass, ladies!

Happy weekend, everyone.


Jamoosh said...

Good luck on the bottle opener front.

I am eating some chocolate. Oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry. Bad sugar, baaaaad sugar!

Carly said...

hahaha Love the bottle opener. I have a maturity level of a 13 year old too.

Sun Runner said...

When the narrator on an old episode of Nova intoned profoundly, "Scientists are probing deeper than ever," I started snickering.

My inner child is a boy in junior high school.

Hang in there with the taper!

Beccarigg said...

Hi! Just found your blog. I'm a sugar junkie myself so I know all about the 3pm shakes! Also know more than I care to about stress eating! You're awesome for trying to combat it though with your sugar free day! Good luck!

GeorgiaSnail said...

hehe, I was still laughing when you said Big Ben....that opener looks like it could be the murder weapon in a Who-dun-it Novel.....

SteveQ said...

In Scotland, all phalluses are named Big Ben. Even the Queen's (sorry Liz, I know you wanted that kept private).

BrianFlash said...

Can't wait for that Edinburgh marathon race report. That race is on my marathon 'to-do' list.

Viper said...

Kind of phallic? What's missing?

And when can I win one of these? After the Popener, I'm expecting you to keep me in cheesy beverage-opening devices.

Pam said...


X-Country2 said...

AHAHAHA. Awesome.

The Enthusiast said...

Nice P&P reference! :-D

Way to stay off the sugar. Higher education can drive a person to twinkies! (This I know.)

Have fun in Scotland, look up a kilt or two!


Deb said...

That surpasses "kind of phallic" and heads straight into the "Holy crap! How cocktastic!" category.

Jess said...

I always appreciate a good P&P reference!

Enjoy Scotland! I'm jealous.