Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Xeniaology

After Moronapalooza on Thursday night/Friday morning, I got a reprieve from the Tweedles for the weekend as they went god knows where. However, sadly we are now back to our regularly scheduled programming in Retardia.

The Tweedles owe me A LOT of money for the household bills, some of which date back to FEBRUARY. I want my money back before Saturday, hence why I am repressing my natural inclination to flay them alive. So I continue to bite my tongue...which will probably be completely severed in half by Thursday. Good times.

Instead of writing anything about running or even remotely health and fitness related now, I’ve decided to follow Jamoosh over the cliff into meme-land.

Lemming...................!

FOODOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Oil and vinegar.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Taco Bell: bean burrito. Really fires up the colon.

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Here, it’s a pub that serves vegetarian and vegan food. In the states, it’s any restaurant where I can get a chicken chimichanga and some hot salsa.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 10% - I love England.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. Baklava (with walnuts, not pistachios)

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Pepperoni and mushrooms.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Butter or margarine.

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Used to be Bubbalicious then I worried about rotting my teeth out so now it’s one of the various varieties of minty sugar free gum.

TECHNOLOGY
Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
A. 36.

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. I’m not counting that crap. Moving on...

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. This.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. One and the only reason I’ve watched it at all in the last month is because (a) flatmates Tweedledee and Tweedledipshit had been away and couldn’t hog the sitting room and (b) the World Cup is on.

BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Left-handed for writing. Ambidextrous for everything else.

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. Either my blue eyes or my foul mouth. It’s a toss up really.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Yup.

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. It was my eyesight until academia destroyed it, so probably taste or my sixth sense but I can’t tell you about that one or I’ll have to kill you.

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. About four years ago. My one and only cavity. I hated losing that streak.

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. Boxes of books for the move.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No, but I got a few goose egg-sized bumps on my noggin as a youngin. Explains a lot, doesn’t it.

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. I think so.

Q. Is love for real?
A. Yes, but I believe most people have an unrealistic sugarcoated concept of it.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Squirrel Bait “Pickle” Espinoza.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Blue.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Yes. (Commence peanut gallery comments...)

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. No.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. Not literally, no.

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A. Yes.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. Hell no.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. I’d ditch you guys in a New York minute for a fiver.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Maybe, but I fear the magnitude of the resulting heartburn.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. That’s pretty much been the last five years for me anyway, so yes.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: Everyone. It’s the downside to my self-imposed exile in England.

Q: Mood?
A: Not bad.

Q: Listening to?
A: The tourist buses unleashing the hoards onto Nerdtown.

Q: Watching?
A. Time flying by at an alarming rate.

Q: Worrying about?
A: Everything.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Port Meadow for a run.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Finish this goddamn PhD.

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: Valentine’s Day. Don’t judge. I was having a weak moment.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: It would appear so.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Mostly.

Q: Now that the survey's done what are you going to do?
A: Brainstorm where to hide the bodies when I crack before week’s end.

10 comments:

Jamoosh said...

What is this "World Cup" thing you speak of...

joyRuN said...

That wallpaper? You ARE a nerd.

Hope the Tweedles cough up your cash. But then again, I'd like to see how exactly you hide their body parts all over England.

EZEthan said...

Your roommate rants are hilarious... it really is too bad that you guys are parting ways... I suppose it will be nice for you to get your sanity back though

Thanks for sharing... I always find this kind of stuff amusing.

SteveQ said...

Interesting that you'd go with "Squirrel Bait" there, Pickles. I've started calling myself "Skankbait."

Viper said...

Start confiscating the Tweedles' things until you can pawn it for what they owe. Stop biting your tongue and get in one last roommate fight before you leave. Your readers demand it.

X-Country2 said...

I think that giving up blogging question for $50,000 is dumb too. I'd ditch it for an ice cream cone!

Anonymous said...

Get a bunch of tarps, excavated by natural levels (one per tarp obviously), get well down into the sterile subsoil, insert roommate, reverse.

KIDDING. Tempting sometimes though...

carpeviam said...

Valentines' Day? Can't remember the last time I saw a chick flick. Stay strong, X!

Ali said...

I think I may have once dated a tweedle

I love this ... and totally stealing it

The Enthusiast said...

Amen to the baklava comment, walnuts and honey all the way.

P.S. I think the wall paper is rad. Yay nerds!