Monday, 22 November 2010

And so it begins

I, along with 370+ of the blogosphere’s finest, am taking part in the third annual Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge. I actually participated in the first one, but made a poor showing so I’d like to redeem myself.

You earn points for exercising and eating well and basically save your ass from trebling in size over the holiday season. Sounds good to me. Here are the rules:

1 Point per mile (run/walk/snowshoe)
1 Point per 3 miles biked
1 Point per 20 minutes of weight lifting, pilates, yoga, stretching or abs
1 Point per 15 minutes of another form of cardio
1 Point per day where you reach a minimum of 7 servings of fruits and veggies

The challenge runs from November 20th to January 7th.

I managed to coerce Merry into joining me in this adventure. She’s already been cursing my name. Awesome.

My goal is to average four points per day: 1 point for eating my fruit and veg, 1 for my cycle commute into work (though I could get two extra points if I walked it), and 2 for intentional exercise of some sort. Considering my schedule, this seems a reasonable target. The challenge lasts seven weeks so I’m shooting for an overall total of 196 points. However I prefer round numbers, so let’s make that 200.

I have no aspirations to win this thing. Hell, I am well aware I have no shot at it. In my first two days I earned 6 points. Some of the others were already over 20. And to them I say...

Kiss. My. Grits.

No, actually, I say yay for you! I’m happy for them because I’m not really competing against them. I’m competing against myself and the ever grim scale that cackles whenever I even think about weighing myself to check the damage.

Bastard scale.

I’m off to a good start on this Monday though. I ran four miles, working on my fruit and veg count and will be heading into town a bit later which should give me 6 points (or 8 if I walk instead of cycle) for the day. That will make up for my slothful Sunday and bring me back on track.

To alleviate some of the damage that will occur during the Fiesta del Piehole that will be expat Thanksgiving on Thursday, I’ve significantly increased my veggie consumption in the last two weeks. Over the weekend I made shakshuka and I think my third batch of spanikopita (thank you, puff pastry, for making this process so much easier for me). Do you know what happens when you eat a lot of spinach? Your poop turns green. That got me thinking—Popeye must have perpetually shot out green logs.

That’s hot. (Not really.)

Also do you know what happens when you (or at least me) increase your vegetable intake? You become a flatulence factory. My poor apartment hasn’t known what’s hit it lately.

Speaking of flatulence, last week I was walking in town when a woman passed me at which point I immediately smelled a noxious odor. I got cropdusted on the sidewalk, but not just by any woman. She was a nun. I highly doubt that was Jesus-approved. Or was it?

Check out the Wiki entry for the source info for the image as well as to hear an audio recording of a human fart. Because that last was an essential addition to the Wiki entry. Obviously.

All right, that’s more than enough fart jokes for a Monday. Later gators.

9 comments:

Jamoosh said...

A nun fart? Jesus is laughing his ass off. You know he has a sense of humor.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Hahahahahaha! Take that, you Greek Orthodox heathen! Nun farts are the Church's WMDs, and even though we didn't deploy them during the Inquisition, WE'RE NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM NOW!1! Go ahead! Eat as many veggies as you want! You'll still be no match for a Nun's fart. (The secret ingredient is sexual repression.)

The Merry said...

20? Some people have 20 already? Those lyin' scumbag heathens!
I'd better not say that -- they're actually probably in really great shape and could kick my butt without thinking twice about it.
Do we get any points for trying harder?
Yeah, that's what I thought.

One Crazy Penguin said...

I just joined the challenge and I'm psyched!

Also, that story was only mediocre....until you said she was a nun. The the story became on eof teh funniest things I'm going to hear all day. Thanks!

SteveQ said...

I once saw a list of the foods most likely to cause flatulence (apples, raisins, popcorn, broccoli, beans [of course], onions, oatmeal...) and it was almost identical to what I ate that day.

Breezy day.

Pam said...

Don't let my 20 points fool you. I'm not in great shape. I'm just in the last few weeks of marathon training. Once this shit is over, I'll be lucky to get 20 points during the entire rest of the challenge.

MCM Mama said...

Eh, I'll be at the end of the totals with you. ;o)

Nitmos said...

You can always say you lost more weight than what is reality. No one knows the better (except maybe that nun). That's how I roll, at least.

RunnuRMark said...

There's never enough fart jokes for a Monday. Or any other day of the week for that matter. This contest makes me curious...what is the prize for winning? I almost want to know badly enough to look for myself. Almost. Does lifting a fork to your mouth count as a form of cardio?