Friday, 12 November 2010

Pool putzes

Last night I went for a three mile run. Other than my glacial pace, all was well even with the strong winds whipping my ponytail around like mad.

This morning I actually made it into the gym for a swim. I haven’t been swimming for many weeks now, so it was nice to get back into the pool. Except for the fact that my pool comeback appeared to coincide with Fucktard Friday. There were four people in the pool when I showed up to get my swim on – Grandma Moses, two talkative and twittish girls who appeared to be dog-paddling and a clueless young man attempting sprint laps.

The gym pool only has three lanes and Grandma Moses had secured the only one that had a rope cordoning it off. None of the youngins has apparently ever swum in the gym pool before because they were all over the goddamn place. I guess the girls were taking their cue from the wall sign that said to swim anti-clockwise, but they obviously missed the part about staying in one lane. I assumed the young man was just quietly enduring their stupidity and swimming around them when possible.

My best shot at sharing a lane was with Grandma Moses since she was going at about my pace and I didn’t want to deal with the youthful clusterfuck. I made my way over to the rope in the hopes that when Grandma popped her head up, I could ask if I could join her lane.

She totally ignored me. The whole damn time. Wrinkled bitch.

So that left me with the daycare dipshits. Swimming with them was a massive pain in the ass. Not only did I have to keep my head out of the water most of the time to keep an eye on the directionally clueless fuckers, but I also had to endure getting the evil eye from them when I was trying to use the lane correctly. FML.

Thankfully, that hell only lasted about five minutes – then the chatty Cathies exited the pool. All would be well now, I thought. We each had our own lane.

Yeah. No.

Dude proceeded to keep taking up both lanes, sometimes even swimming diagonally across the pool. I wondered if he was drunk but then decided he was just an idiot. I tried to stay out of his freakish way, all the while giving the evil eye to Grandma Moses for forcing me into this situation. Selfish hag.

And then things got worse. A man with no legs came along to use the pool. I was hoping the young twit would get a clue and share one lane with me so the disabled dude could have a lane to himself since god knows the aged harpy next to me wasn’t going to do a damn thing to help.

Yeah, that didn’t happen either.

Finally though, Grandma Stick-Up-Her-Butt left the pool so I took over her lane and left the guys to sort themselves out. The young dude still had issues staying in one lane, but he did give the disabled guy most of the other lane to himself. The man never used it though. I guess he was just in there to do exercises or whatever while hanging on to the side of the pool.

By the time I was finished, I was the only one left in the pool—thankful for the solitude, but seriously rethinking the timing of my future swims. God help me if I have to deal with those morons again next week. I may end up drowning one of them.

I’m a cheery person, no?

Hope you all have lovely weekends.

Later gators.


Haliku said...

Umm...thanks for sharing? Caffeine withdraw perhaps? :-)

One Crazy Penguin said...

Sounds like you might need a hug....or a straight jacket :p Maybe just a private pool?

The Merry said...

Ahhhh, this is causing a flashback to all my worst swim class memories. Yes, even in a class setting with the instructor telling them how it works, some idiots insist on swimming straight down the middle of the lane until someone runs into them... which is, of course, not their fault as they'll be the first person to mention.

SteveQ said...

Sounds like driving, where everyone slower than you is an idiot and everyone faster than you is a maniac (and the half-awake Britisher's on the wrong side of the road).

Viper said...

Another reason not to swim, thanks! This scenario is a big reason why I've soured on going to the track to run. Also, that whole hamster wheel thing gets old. Happy weekend. Cheers!

Keith said...

If the swim pattern is obvious, I'll join in, giving the current swimmers a chance to notice that it's about to happen. If things are weird, I'm a big believer in conversation. I have no problem grabbing someone by the ankle to make them stop, and figured out how to share the lane. If that doesn't work I'll just swim around them, past them, or over them. As often as necessary.

Jamie said...

That sounds like a hot mess. Add it to the reasons I don't swim for exercise.