Monday, 14 July 2008

Rambling run (and post)

Let’s start off with the good and then I’ll get into all the mishaps that made up my long run.

I ran over 10 miles on Saturday. WOO HOO!!! It’s the first time I’ve hit double digit miles in a single run, so it’s kind of a big deal to me. Come on, you know you want to stroke my ego right now. Not like that, perv.

I ran a double loop around Port Meadow and into the village of Wolvercote. Most of the way was along the canals including a lock which made the whole thing very scenic and a nice change of pace for me. Horses and cattle were out in the meadow in full force again, though I didn’t get the chance to frolic amongst them like last time.

Also along this route are the semi-famous pub (if you watch/read the Inspector Morse series) the Trout Inn and the 12th century ruins of Godstow Abbey. I will return one day with my camera so I can share photos with you guys and squash the comments of the skeptics about how picturesque Port Meadow is.

Now for the mishaps.

I seem to be incapable of reconciling the aerial images provided by with the on-the-ground perspective. I managed to miss the footbridge I was supposed to take off the canal walk which caused me to have to re-orientate myself once I was back on street level. There were another two wrong turns in Wolvercote but finally I found my way back onto my trail. I’m pretty sure I’ve got it sorted now, so I shouldn’t be making those mistakes again.

Halfway through the first loop my bladder let me know that it had reached full capacity. I knew I wasn’t going to make it the whole ten miles without a loo stop, but I’d hoped it wouldn’t happen until my second go-around. I didn’t understand the true urgency of the situation until after I had passed through Wolvercote and was back on the western canal trail. Luckily the other side of that canal path is slightly wooded, so, with my bad timing of just having passed a group of four trail walkers, I headed into the bushes to look for a suitable squatting spot.

The best available location had large trees with dense foliage on one side and some chest-high bushes on the other. So if someone happened to come across me in medias res, then at least they wouldn’t catch sight of any of my private bits, just my deer-in-the-headlights expression.

What I didn’t realize until I’d stepped into nature’s loo was that the bushes were nettles. Stopping abruptly, I took stock of the situation and realized that this was still the best place in respect to coverage, so I just sucked it up and made my way into the middle of them, squatted, dropped trow and did my thing.

After executing my patented ‘anti-dribble wiggle’, I was re-pantsed and out of there like a shot. Back on the trail, I passed the quartet of walkers once again, pretty damn sure they knew what I had been doing and that there was now some sort of scarlet letter emblazoned on my back stating that I was a public pee-er.

The final mishap occurred a third of the way into my second loop along the eastern canal path. Trotting next to narrow houseboats and people’s back gardens, my gastrointestinal system decided to make some noise. A rather loud noise. A quick look around confirmed there was no one within sight of me, but that didn’t mean people hadn’t heard what I had just done. It seemed a good time to have a chat with my colon.

Me: You couldn’t have done that when we were cocooned in the nettle bushes.
My colon (M.C.): Eh, I didn’t feel like it then.
Me: But there was no one else around then. There’s probably 20 people within earshot of us right now and you think this is a good place to let one loose?
M.C.: Heh, farts are funny.
Me: You’re such an asshole.

When I got back home, I did my usual stretches then decided to fill the bath with cold water. I settled in for a leisurely freeze-fest and distracted myself from the shivering by tallying the damage I had incurred over the last two hours.

There were new chafe marks on the underside of my boobage. (My need to buy new sports bras has reached situation critical, me thinks.) A toenail on my right foot had gouged into the side of the neighboring toe causing a wee bit of carnage. There was a small busted blister on the right side of the same foot too. Nothing a little Neosporin and a couple of band-aids didn’t fix right up. My tussle with the nettles left me with some scrapes on my left knee and thigh, but again nothing too bad. Thankfully my bum appears to have survived the incident unscathed. The perusal of my legs also brought to my attention some lovely bruises along the upper part of my right thigh, a gift from the wheelbarrow (affectionately named L.B. which stands for Little Bitch) on our numerous trips up the spoil heap together. At least there’s only one week left of the excavation.

My directional confusion and weak control over bodily functions aside, I had a great time on my long run. Beautiful scenery, courteous fellow runners and achieving a personal milestone made the run a fantastic experience. Hopefully I can repeat it next weekend, minus the injuries and embarrassment of course.

Ciao tutti.


Theresa said...

Wow! I can't believe that you are running 10 miles!!! That's so awesome! You are the shining star of Team CB. :+)

MizFit said...

kudos on the milage AND thanks for the post detailing why I fear Ill never run that long :)

mainly the bladder----but the boobchafing is a close second!


RazZDoodle said...

THIS is the first blog I read before breakfast???????? Sweet.

I should visit with my colon more often. Hilarious!

Marcy said...


Did you have a player jacked in? A lot of times (and this is terrible, I know) if I have the music loud enough I just let them rip regardless of who is around. In my dysfunctional brain I think "Well if I can't hear the noise, then no one else can" Oops.

N.D. said...

Way to go on the 10+ miles! that's great! It does look really pretty there!

The Laminator said...

Congrats on the run, Xenia! I loved the colon conversation! Me and mine always have a little chat in the middle of a long run too!

Running Knitter said...

Yay on the 10 miler! I'm proud of you! Love the comment about the deer caught in the head lights look. LOL!

Nitmos said...

What would a long run be without some g.i. issues?? Wear it like a badge of honor. Or, at least, a vapor cloud of honor.

Viper said...

Great, there goes another delusion. I thought ladies didn't fart. Congrats on the double digits! And thanks for breaking up this monotonous Monday with some nudity. Cheers!

McB said...

That Fred (Colon, Sargeant) is not a tactful person.

but the important thing is that YOU RAN TEN CONSECUTIVE MILES!!! Go You!! Woo Hoo!!!

Xenia said...

Marcy--I was listening to my ipod but the volume was low. I would never be able to lie to myself though and pretend no one else could hear it. I'm a paranoid nutter like that.

Running Knitter--I don't know what it is about hearing (or reading) the phrase 'I'm proud of you' but it always makes me a little emotional. Thank you. :)

Viper--I'm a woman, but I never said I was a lady. There's a definite distinction.

MissAllycat said...

Congrats on the 10-miler!! It's always exciting to run your Longest Run Ever. :)

PS - Laughed out loud at your "You’re such an asshole" line. Tee Hee!

chia said...

After the movie I just saw, I ain't strokin' nuttin'!


My boob chafe has turned into the valley of the damned. Support manufacturers everywhere can kiss my collective wobbly bits from here to timbuktu.

Body glide, tape, an encapsulation bra coupled with a compression bra seems to be kinder to my "delicate region" but some days nothign stops the chafe :-( boooo

Steve Stenzel said...

Nice run! Way to go!

And you colon is right: farts ARE funny!!!

P.O.M. said...

Yeah for 10!!!! Way to go.

I just laughed out load on your convo with your colon. Sometimes you gotta just let 'em rip when you're running or they will slip out when you least expect it.

Meg said...

Congratulations on the double digit run! It's great you enjoyed it too.
I tend to chafe in a similar spot. New bras helped but even newer ones chafe on long runs if I forget to put on Body Glide.

Lily on the Road said...

Welcome to the world of distance running

...chafed boobies, colon conversations and peeing in nettles !!! Ahhhh, I love the long runs!!!

Good job Xenia!! I'm proud of ya!

Laura said...

(Sorry so behind in my blog reading - trying a new system so hopefully I won't get this behind again!)

I still buy cheap cotton sports bras but haven't gotten chafing since I started being religious about using BodyGlide, even on my long runs. Hope that helps!

Laura said...

(Sorry so behind in my blog reading - trying a new system so hopefully I won't get this behind again!)

I still buy cheap cotton sports bras but haven't gotten chafing since I started being religious about using BodyGlide, even on my long runs. Hope that helps!