Today has been one hell of a day.
This morning the weather was amazing. The sun was shining, there was nary a cloud in the sky and there was also a nice breeze. Perfect weather for a run. Time was a bit of a factor though so I limited it to three miles.
Everything was perfect...except for me. I was so damn slow! This has really been bothering me lately. Not only is my running slow, but I’ve been feeling a general malaise for weeks now. Fed up with feeling like sludge, I called the doctor’s office and luckily they had an opening for late this morning.
So I went in and chatted with the doc. Being a woman and having been to the doctor’s office on a regular basis throughout my life, I wasn’t phased by the first question I was asked which was ‘Are you pregnant?’ My automatic response was, ‘No, of course not’ followed by a moment of silence and then a much quieter ‘Oh f*ck.’
I get sent into the bathroom with a plastic stick and my not-so-full bladder. I hover over the toilet to do the deed and accidentally pee on my hand in the process. After cleaning myself up, I walk back into the examination room and wait with the doctor to find out the results.
Please don’t be blue, I chant in my head. PLEASE!
Three minutes later I see a strip of my once favorite color on the plastic stick and promptly pass out.
I came to a few minutes later. The doctor was really kind and gently told me a bunch of information I have now completely forgotten about vitamins, what I’m not supposed to eat and the like. Thankfully she wrote it all down. The whole time all I could think was now I know why my running has sucked and why I haven’t been able to lose weight recently. Followed quickly by, holy shit I’m going to get even fatter!
Right before I left her office, the doctor turned to me and said...
“Happy April Fools' Day!”
Seriously, people, there’s no way in hell I’m getting knocked up before my PhD is completed. My uterus is officially on lockdown for at least another year and a half if not permanently.
Happy hump day, everyone. :)