Friday, 6 November 2009

What would you do for one?

My self-hate reasserted itself as I again went to the gym ass-early yesterday morning for more swim practice. I continue to look like an uncoordinated gasping hot mess while attempting a front crawl. It’s a beautiful sight, I’m sure.

This afternoon I resume my swim lessons where I can not-so-proudly tell my instructor that I’ve made sod-all progress and she needs to repeat everything she taught me last time. Awesome.

My attempts at swimming have been the only exercise I’ve gotten in this week. I had also planned to run this evening, but scratched that to accept an invite for dinner at a Greek restaurant. Of course, I’ll be making up for the calorie fest (flaming cheese!) this weekend by running both days which is not really a hardship since I’m itching to get back out on the road. I miss running.

With not much else to say (unless you want to read about my dissertation--yeah, I didn't think so), I thought this might be a perfect time for a giveaway. Thanks to my recent sojourn in Italy, I’ve once again stocked up on the holy grail of tacky souvenirs, the Popener. In order to be the recipient of one of these fine pieces of Italian craftsmanship (to which Viper can attest seeing as the one he won broke during its first use), you need to leave a comment on this post answering the following question:

What would you do for a Popener?

Funniest answer (to be judged by myself and my officemates based on the answer’s ability to make tea/coffee come out of our noses) will win a Popener. To be fair to those who are funny bone-challenged, I will also have the random number generator choose a second recipient for a Popener. Because I’m awesome and that’s how I roll. And no, the same person cannot win both. Because I said so, that’s why.

Deadline for posting an answer in the comments is Monday, November 9th by noon EST. The winners will be announced Tuesday barring any unexpected academic crap that I may have to deal with.

Have a happy weekend, everyone. Catch you again next week.

Later gators.


RazZDoodle said...

I'd listen to you talk about your dissertation.

Lily on the Road said...

Whew, thanks for Plan B, since my spontaneous sense of hilarity has gone by the way side to trying to breathe, I'll throw my bottle cap into the random draw thank you very much.

Have a great weekend and enjoy your trot!!


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I'd use my best Barry White voice to say:

"Hello there, Popener. Bill C. sent me. I'm the new Vatican intern.

"My, I like the comely frock you're wearing ..."

"O, Popener-poo! You so bad! I said 'frock' not that other eff-word!

"What? That's what 'frock' means in German? Whoa! I did Nazi that coming (so to speak)!

O, O, O! Popener! Try not to get my ... um ... 'schism' on your nice blue dress!

"Wait! Who's that hiding in your closet! No, I mean behind all those gay priests! ... OMG! It's Ken Starr Chamber! Do you realize what the penalty would be for you, Popener, if you're convicted of having sex with a young boy like me?! YOU MIGHT BE MOVED TO A DIFFERENT PARISH WITH OTHER INNOCENT YOUNG BOYS! O, cruel, cruel fate!"

O, wait. I thought you asked what I would do to a Popener.

I withdraw my entry (That's What Teh Popener Said!).

If this comment doesn't get me a Popener, it should at least get me excommunicated.

Carolina John said...

only glaven's twisted mind would come up with soemthing like that. ^^^ geez. it is quite funny though.

For a popener, i would meat punch Glaven.

Keith said...

Well, I had something witty all lined up about the varied uses of a Popener in a historical context, and what I would do with one as retribution for millenia of Catholic abuse. (take that any way you want.) Then I read the question, and it's what I would do FOR a Popener. Then I read GQH's comment.

Xenia, I say you toss a Popener - heads GQH's comment stays in the entry pool despite his cromulent withdrawl request, and tails he gets a vote from me as best entry in the category 'best witty but non-profane comment combining historical and current practices of the church in a short rhetorical diatribe.' My only disappointment is that he didn't work in the potential uses of a Popener during the Inquisition, OR during the current Congressional discussions about Health Care Reform. Which pretty much comes to the same thing, when you think about it.

Since you don't really want to ante up the expense to mail a Popener to Canada, and I don't really want to explain to the prurient souls at Canada Customs just what this is, or try to allay their suspicion that I'd use it on a certain local bishop of the church to let some sunshine into his middle-ages soul, I say if my number comes up in the random number generator, and he hasn't won on the merits of his entry, then give it to GQH.

Enough of the witty stuff. Wit is hard on one cup of coffee. And I'm already past the brevity standard.

Back to something important, swimming. I'm surprised you haven't posted video, so we can help. Once certain cruel people are done laughing. (Not me!) Swimming is one of those things where no apparent progress is made for some indeterminate amount of time (similar to the subjective time you'd experience in having a Popener being used to remove your appendix.) then all of a sudden it comes together. One day you'll barely do 4 laps of the pool, and the next you'll do 40. Stick with it.

Flaming Cheese!!!!! mmmmmmm. Which reminds me, what is your dissertation about, insofar as a dissertation can be said to actually BE about anything?

Morgan said...

Seriously... how are we supposed to follow up after GQH? Show off.

"The" Merry said...

"Read your dissertation"? Heck, woman, for a genuine highly crafted, hand-imported-from-Rome popener I would write the dang dissertation.

I'm thinking the structure should be divided into three canticas (Ital. pl. cantiche) — Inferno (Hell), Purgatorio (Purgatory), and Paradiso (Paradise) — each consisting of 33 cantos (Ital. pl. canti).
The verse scheme used, of course, would be terza rima in hendecasyllabic (lines of eleven syllables), with the lines composing tercets according to the rhyme scheme aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ....

Um... not that I copied any of that from Dante's Divine Comedy... just from Wikipedia.

"The" Merry said...

Or maybe it could be patterned after something more along the lines of Catullus... "love, lust, and loss amid the Roman ruins" sort of thing.

Yes, I'm thinking definitely Catullus. Virgil seems far too stodgy for the classy-yet-slightly-racy kind of dissertation that would really make an impression on the reviewers. [Don't ask what kind of impression, however.]

Mike Antonucci said...

For a Popener, I would pray for the salvation of your immortal soul.

Jamie said...

I've got nothing... thank goodness for random generator/runner up.

MCM Mama said...

I'd let GQH post on my blog -ooh, that's just scary, not funny.

Thank goodness for random number generators.

X-Country2 said...

I'd teach you how to swim.

Spike said...

I'd taunt the English, all of them, even a second time.

Marcy said...

Nothing because I'm so awesome I already have one LOL JK! (Well kidding about my awesomeness but not kidding about the Popener. I still *heart* mine :-) )

joyRuN said...



Can't believe I almost missed this.

I'll post a picture of my ass for a Popener.


I'll wear a "running for a Popener" shirt on Saturday.

I'll SELL MY SOUL FOR A FUCKING POPENER!!!!!!!!!! (Although after this absolute display of blasphemy, I think my entry through the Pearly Gates is in question anyway.)

I think this should count as 15 entries on the random generator, btw.

joyRuN said...


You DID mean 12noon MY time, right?

Viper said...

No. 2 is holding up quite well. Odd that No. 1 involved the piece of shit. Speaking of ...

Does the Pope shit in the woods? I don't know, but his face will fall off if you try to open a beer with it. Cheers!

BrianFlash said...

I wouldn't do anything to and/or for a Popenor.