Friday, 5 November 2010


In an effort to combat sleepiness at work, I’ve taken up drinking coffee. I’m not a coffee drinker. I’m a tea girl all the way and pretty much mainline the stuff. But tea doesn’t have enough caffeine to ward off the afternoon slump that seems to be hitting me pretty hard these days.

Coffee smells wonderful but tastes like bitter ass. However, I’ve learned that if you dump enough milk and sugar into it, it’ll taste like sugary bitter ass with the appearance of hot chocolate as long as you cross your eyes and already have crappy vision. This would be an improvement. Barely.

However, I don’t want to be a slave to the black brew anymore. In fact, I even want to cut down on my tea consumption. In my early twenties a lump was found in one of my breasts. I had to see and get felt up by multiple doctors who finally figured out it wasn’t cancer. I just had lumpy boobs, or fibrocystic breasts if you want the technical term. Although it’s not been proven conclusively, caffeine is believed to exacerbate the condition, making a good reason why I should cut back on my caffeine consumption. Also, I don’t want to be known as the twitchy girl at work who’s constantly in the kitchen taking hits off the coffeemaker.

And in fact I have made progress on this front in the past. Up until a few years ago I used to drink soda on a daily basis. Now I drink it only very occasionally, usually just at the pub. But living in the tea culture of England, I’ve seen my daily consumption of tea shoot from 1 or 2 cups a day to at least 4 or more. Add in the coffee drinking and that’s just way too much caffeine.

My sister Z suggested I drink fruit juice or eat an apple in the afternoons to keep me energized. Do you guys have any suggestions?

And I can’t sign off without leaving you all with this.

I thought of it as soon as I came up with the post title for today. No need to thank me.

Later gators.


Jamoosh said...

No! All Wham songs should be re-made by Heavy Metal bands and all evidence of Wham must be stricken from the archives.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

No need to thank me.

I could, however, easily make a convincing case that there now is a reason to kill you. Many would thank me, I assume. You see, when George Michael, or his shirt, tells me to Choose Life, well, I just can't do that, now can I? I must Choose Death, and what with you being the one who exposed me to toxic Wham!, which has surely shortened my life, I choose YOU.

Plus, why in the world would anyone want to be awakened before you poop-poop?

Also, I don’t want to be known as the twitchy girl at work who’s constantly in the kitchen taking hits off the coffeemaker.

Little chance of that happening, Lumpy Teats.

Haliku said...

I'm not even going to ruin my morning by listening to that video...

A brisk 5-10 minute walk, jumping jacks, a catnap at your desk or getting more sleep at night might help with the afternoon slump. Good luck.

Keith said...

How did the kid brainwashing go the other day? Successfully I hope. Forget the sugar and milk in coffee. Put hot chocolate powder in. That's the ticket! The other thing is very weird sounding, but I'm assured it's true. Add a teeny tiny pinch of salt. I don't know if this only works at the brewing stage, or if it can be done at the mug stage. As long as you aren't paying for the coffee by the cup, why not experiment away?

Oh, and I was too busy laughing at the kitties on the treadmill video to be able to comment. Unfortunately for you, I'm good at commenting when horrified, which is how I felt seeing just the still image of the Wham video.

Lily on the Road said...

OMG, Wham! I haven't heard them in decades...just like Boy George!

I lurv me coffee in the morning....& Keith, a pinch of salt goes into the grounds before brewing...

Hot Chocolate in the afternoon along with a Dad's cookie & or apple, yummylicouos!!!

Nitmos said...

Is there a correlation between tea consumption and misaligned, poorly cleaned teeth? The thought just occurred while reading this post.

Viper said...

Gosh, I hope I don't get lumpy boobs from all my coffee consumption.

Get better sleep. Eat balanced meals. Exercise regularly. Employ a bit of will power. All that crap should help. Cheers!

SteveQ said...

One of my prized possessions is a baseball signed by Andrew Ridgely (the other guy in Wham!) - it's so great that he has nothing to do with baseball, no one really remembers him and (AND) I can't authenticate the signature!


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Wow. Had to go and ridicule my face just because I threatened to kill you. Talk about overreactions! Why you gotta be a hatah, Lumpy Teats?

It was worth it coming back here, though. Because now I have the image of Andrew Ridgely signing SteveQ's balls to wash the memory of that video right out of my mind.

If only someone would offer to kill me.

Hahahahaha! Just kidding! People offer all the time!

The Merry said...

I'm trying two different things to get through the afternoon slump. First, I take a 5-minute break to climb the stairs in my building.
Two, I reach for the baby carrots. The crunching noise helps wake me up. (Sugared ginger works too, that stuff really wakes up your mouth.)

Nowadays, this video reminds me of the movie where Hugh Grant plays a washed-up pop star.

BrianFlash said...

More sleep and baby carrots. Works for me!

Plus you want to ween off that caffeine so that when you really need it (like before a marathon) it works.

Jamie said...

I recently read that apples do a better job of waking people up than caffeine. Go with the apple and Good luck kicking the caffeine habit.

Theresa said...

Give in. Take a cat nap. When I'm sleepy, no amount of caffeine really works.